He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
