She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i need an iv and a liver transplant
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
last night I used snow as a chaser
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
