White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
