dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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