I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
