I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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