I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
