I want to have your abortion
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
