she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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