My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
dude. I can hear the air.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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