I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
