Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i now understand why vodka
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
