$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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