a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
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Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
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My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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