She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
