yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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