It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
