i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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