Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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