All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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