it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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