two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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