Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
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