After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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