i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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