His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
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Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
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My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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