Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
