chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
