How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
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What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Im part way to drunk.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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