Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
