So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
