yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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