Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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