I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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