I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
How external is "for external use only"?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
