you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
