I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
