Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
