I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize