My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
