What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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