Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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