none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
