How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
