I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
