so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
