You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
