dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
