You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
