Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
