I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
