Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
