Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
