filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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