And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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