im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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