Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
