Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
