He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Semen is not good for contacts.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
